Day 7

I woke up feeling great. But as I drove to the office today, I immediately felt sad. I think it's been the series of events that happen lately but I plan on solving that today during lunch. It's been a rough month. I'm hopeful. Having multiple people have an issue with me is something new. I don't think that's ever happened to me before, especially from people I care about.

Day 5

I'm a bit more cheerful today. Still, feel super terrible from not having any caffeine. But it's better today than yesterday. I came into work today with a bit more energy. Not so much on survival mode. I'm ready for the weekend. All for not. Talk to you all on Monday.


Koi

Day 4

Today's been kind of weird. It's like a rollercoaster of feelings. I think I'm starting to feel the side effects of not having caffeine. I feel a bit sad today because I have a fear of losing all the people I care about around me. I had a really good friend who left me once out of the blue. It forever scarred me I think. Always feeling like I need to reach out, always feeling like I have to hang out or I'll lose my friends. It's crazy but it's kind of how I'm feeling right now. All my friends are dancers, I have a couple of friends that aren't. But I feel like if I don't reach out or communicate with them, they go away with their life. 

I still think about that friend all the time. But it is what it is. I need to get back to being ok with people leave my life or stay in my life. That's just life. Who knew quitting coffee would get you all crazy. Hahahaha. I also feel scattered brain today. 

Day 3

I think I'm in survival mode today. I have no energy for anything and my mood has gone down by a lot. Trying my best not to look annoyed. There's so much to do at work and not enough energy for me to go around. Maybe I'll try to walk the pond today before I go home. Maybe someone wants to take a walk with me. Maybe not. Feeling antisocial. I'm not sure what caused it but I'm not sure what I can do about it either. Lunch was ok. I'm gonna try to zone out and just do my work. Talk to ya'll tomorrow!

Koi

Day 2

So, today is day two. So here we go. Just got done coming back from a trip to Michigan. It was really needed. The trip reminded me of how lucky I am to have a beautiful wife. She had recently dyed her hair to a lighter blond color from the green that she had. And honestly, I love it. I've always love the light haired look. Reminds me of Luna Love Good from Harry Potter. This weekend was quite eventful.

I had my first ever performance with my all Vietnamese crew Poppers By Night. We performed for an all Vietnamese crowd. It was a great experience. There were some mess ups here an there but overall I'm proud of where we left off.

The trip to Kelley's island was amazing! It was a long drive but honestly, I really needed it. I wish I had more time to be off. June marks the end of how much paid time off I have so no more vacation time until the end of the month. So I don't have to wait that long. But when I do have more time, I am for sure going to go back.

I took the morning off today to catch up on some sleep. But I'm back at work now. Going back to work is always a struggle after some time off. Gotta check my emails. Have to deal with managing people and characters. LOL. I find myself a bit irritable because I think it's just a whole lot coming at me today. I am not ready. That and I'm haven't had any coffee. I'm also going to try to wing off caffeine so today I just drunk 1 cup of tea. No coffee, so I'm sure that adds a bit to this.

But day two, this is actually helping I think. We will see. Talk to you tomorrow.



Koi

The beginning

So I took a workshop on self-care. One of the things they talked about was keeping some sort of journal to keep talk of how you are feeling. I guess its suppose to somehow help you mentally. So here we go, this is my beginning post. I don't really know if anyone will read this, but my goal is to post every morning when I come into work to note how I am feeling and what I think I need for the rest of the day. This will happen on weekdays because I ain't got time for a weekend writing with all the dancing I do.

Here is how I am feeling: I woke up today wondering, hmm how did I get here? Have you ever asked yourself what happened? What is life? I have a bittersweet feeling this morning as I sit on my toilet just letting the time go by as I watch youtube. I think I need that time each morning to wake myself up and get into gear. I've been wanting to dance in the morning every morning to get awake. But I didn't this morning because I don't know I just didn't. I had the urge to, my garage was clear of cars, I just didn't. Might be because I danced yesterday night.

But I don't know. I'm kind of upset at myself for not dancing this morning. Anyway, I come into work wondering how I got where I am. My life decisions, everything just feels like a routine right now. Same people every day at work. Doing the same thing when I get home. I think my brain is telling me I need a change. Maybe I should get back into drawing for me. My wife and I got to paint on our wedding anniversary and I catch myself looking at that painting I did every morning. Anyhow, that's how I am feeling. Let's see if I keep up with this.